"i'll miss you, tony."

do you ever watch something and think “this was written by a man”

i was up late night watching an episode of criminal minds fairly recently, for lack of a better thing to do. in the opening scene there are these two girls getting into their car in like a supermarket parking lot, not very well lit, in the middle of the night. another car drives up right behind theirs and won’t move out of the way so this one girl is like “im gonna go see what this guy’s problem is” and gets out of the car, in a poorly lit parking lot, to confront a man who was behaving aggressively to them.

so that was the precise moment i realised that episode was written by a man.

I was watching an episode of CSI where the entire reason they were going forward with the case was that ‘no woman would wear a bra this expensive without also wearing the matching panties’.  What porn logic is this?  I was, at that moment, wearing the exact bra the Jane Doe was wearing and fuck no I didn’t spring for the matching panties.  Even if I did, I wouldn’t wear them as often as a bra.  Panties I wash daily.  Bras? Not so much.

But in CSI World, police resources were being mobilized on how irregular it would be for a woman to wear a $36 bra, but not caring about how she would look in just underthings.

Never mind not matching, but that they think $36 is expensive for a bra is probably the number one sign it was written by a man.

In Star Wars Padmé goes for Anakin while Ewan McGregor is around

episode one of bbc sherlock runs on the idea the idea that everyone implicitly trusts taxi drivers when in actual fact, every woman or femme presenting person knows the absolute horror of getting into a taxi alone. you surreptitiously take photos of the car plate or screenshot the driver’s information on your taxi app to send to someone “just in case”. you pretend to be a phonecall telling them “yeah, i’ll see you when i get there” so the driver thinks someone is waiting for you. “no one ever suspects the cabbie” is some Grade A Obviously Written By A Man Bullshit when your first thought every time you get into a taxi is always “boy i sure hope i dont get murdered”

also the opening scene when the victim’s friend takes away her drunk friend’s car keys and then just LEAVES HER to go talk to someone else? yeah that doesnt happen. girls know not to leave a friend — who is so drunk that she can’t drive — alone in a party at a bar. because we know that’s how they get murdered or raped or assaulted. men don’t know JACK SHIT about writing non-men